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I kinda just sat there depressed the whole time even though I should be happy. Food was good… I guess… still not good enough to stop the darkness that consumes my souls inside. I told my mom about it and she’s just like “think happy thoughts”… “I occasionally feel depressed too”… ugh she will never understand lol. She told me she loves me like at least 10+ times today… idk, I’m not exactly feeling it… I still feel the fear of being abandoned, of rejection, still fearful they’ll end up betraying me, rejecting me.

We went to a park to just kinda just chill out, take a walk… I kinda just reminicent of old times when we spend time together. Sadly I’m not a kid anymore… although I still kinda acted like a kid today… felt like a kid at heart… I still feel like my inner child is here with me, the flame of joy… sort of… but expectations are different now… future looks scary…

So she just asks me: “do you love us? (“us” as in both of them… dad was also with us)

So idk what to say… felt too vulnerable to open up…

So I just said “you’ll love me regardless, right?”

And she told me “of couse”

Why is this so awkward?

So calm just walking in the park today… like in the eye of the storm, the calm before shit happens again, chaos soon reigns again…

I feel mom will go “bipolar” mode again…

On the way back she mentioned something about inheritance and asked the “am I ready to act normal” question again, and I just feel worried again… sort of ruined the vibe I just had chillng out, walking in the park just earlier.

Just average Chinese Family dynamics… what the fuck

emotions on a rollarcoaster

speaking off I kinda wanna go on a rollarcoaster

probably less scary than family relations…

hows your day?

Which year is it now? Animal-wise, that is.

Horse

ITS MY YEAR I AM GONNA RUN AROUND LIKE A HORSE 🐎

oh shit I existed in this world for approx 24 years…

still haven’t achieved “success” yet… not even an “A”sian smh my head.

My mom mentioned that someone did XYZ at age 22…

Wow thanks mom, very helpful.

What next? “Mamdani is an immigrant JUST LIKE YOU, and he became a Mayor, why can’t you do the same?” (oh yea she already said that one) 🫠

“So mom, you want me to become president? 🤨”

“I was just mentioning it…” just out of the blue… not reason at all… totally not trying to covertly make me feel bad

Mom literally won’t be satisfied until I become the next Gary Locke

Why did you gimme depression, mom?

😭

I wonder how many votes I can get if I ran…

actually nah I have zero friends, zero networking

But it’d be funny to put “GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE FOR THE STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA” on a resume…

no ballot access

just a write in candidate

with two votes tabulated

🤣

I mean I can get a few “for shits and giggles” votes from Lemmy PA Residents probably

At 22 I had fallen far behind my peers in a failed attempt at adulting. That was the year I went back to school (so that I could later drop out one final time).

Don’t sweat it. I am utterly convinced that the ones who have their life figured out in their 20s are the same ones who forget to actually live their lives.

I dunno what to say.

There’s a lot of expectations around holidays. TV and family tell you what you’re supposed to act like and feel like. But it’s unrealistic.

My family does Christmas. On paper, I really like it. But some years I feel it, and some years I don’t.

If you’re depressed and you’ve got stuff weighing you down, it’s gonna weigh you down on a holiday, just like any other day.

I hope you feel better soon. Happy New Year.

Looking at your post history, I feel like you should be talking to a professional and not a bunch of neurodivergent Linux enthusiasts on a back alley of the internet. I mean it in a nice way.

She wants to say the sky’s the limit. It’s your depression that interprets it as “the sky’s the expectation.”

She would love you even if you were a worm. Asian moms just have an interesting way of showing love, usually best at acts of service, but sometimes they don’t deliver it correctly.

Have you been diagnosed? Routine, exercise, meditation, medication can all help treat different symptoms in different people. Sadly no one size fits all. For me, I have no shortage of happiness, but overwhelming hopelessness. So meds that increase my happiness don’t address my problem at all, and only expand the gap between how good I think I should feel and how bad I actually feel. Meds that quiet down the doubter in me stop me from spiralling down the wrong train of thought.

All this to say hang in there. I’m a horse too, we’ll experience so many more milestones before our next year of the horse. We’re much better people than we were 12 years ago, shaped by both ups and downs

Hey man, happy lunar new year. Why don’t you make a habit of taking a walk in the park, since you felt good about it earlier? Try to do it regularly, it’s good for you to get out to a relaxing space. If you like dogs you should get a dog. It’ll make you get out even if you don’t want to, plus they’re adorable and give unconditional love.

I didn’t always get along with my mom growing up, but our relationship massively improved once I moved out. My sister butts heads with her way more than I ever did, and they’re much more similar people. I’m much more like my dad and we get along great. Can’t wait to see them this weekend. 🧋🧧🧨

Ngl I’m lowkey posting these as if it’s a blog lmfao

Understood. You can create your own community and post them to catalog them too.

Hey. I’m here for you, and I understand. Depression is scary and hard and confusing, and very hard to explain to somebody who “feels depressed sometimes”. Getting fresh air is really good at clearing your mind and helping you reset. Showering and drinking a glass of ice water also helps me. Try to find safe things to feel or put your hands in, because the sensory and touch are very important, and they help you ground yourself. If you don’t have any ideas, here’s some exercises you could do when you start feeling dysregulated or find yourself dissociating.

-Fill a medium bowl of rice and put your hands in. Notice how it feels, what the temperature of the rice is (You can heat it up for 15-20 seconds if you’d like) and what emotions you are feeling at the moment. I highly recommend that you record your feelings and thoughts in a journal, along with the day, time, weather, and what activity you were doing.

-Draw or write what you are feeling, what you hate, your trauma (if any), or a person you dislike. Find a safe place outside and clear it of leaves and twigs. Get a bowl or large cup of water beside you, just in case something goes wrong. Crumple the paper into a ball, and place it on the ground. Light it. From the safe distance, sit on the ground and close your eyes. Just listen to the sounds around you. Once you are done with this activity, pour water on the paper and cover it with a bowl, so no extra oxygen can get to the fire and potentially light it. (Op. Write in your journal during/after you’re done.)

-Paint or draw to music.

-Find 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.

-Bury your bare feet in fresh soil and pretend you are a tree. Imagine the things that happened to you (or your trauma) as storm clouds. Remember the time when the bad thing happened, and imagine that as a big storm. Imagine yourself now, as a tree, and raise your arms up like you are growing.

::: spoiler Questions -Do you find yourself not wanting to do something you used to enjoy? -Do you feel like you want to do something but don’t know what to do? -Do you feel like you want to sleep all day, or feel more tired than normal? -Do you feel like you are somebody else and that what is happening to you isn’t real? -Do you feel numb and achy? -Do you find that things annoy you when it feels like they shouldn’t? -Do you find that you don’t feel as sexually active, or the opposite? ::: You got this. I believe in you!

Hey, I don’t normally comment on stuff but I do read your posts a lot! I used to deal with some pretty heavy depression, can’t really just say to you that it gets better because there are good days and bad days. But exercise helps, changing to a new environment helps (new job or new gym or new meetup group), and just honestly being less harsh on yourself. Then you can try to connect again when you’re in a better headspace.

Btw, if it’s your year in zodiac, we call it 犯太歲 and it’s generally supposed to be a difficult year for you, so make the best decisions you can and wishing you (and all Horse people) the best~

No way, my parents told me its supposed to be a lucky year…

Maybe I misunderstood?

But again its just religion, its all made up so nothing is ever consistent xD

I don’t think some parents can accept that their kid is depressed. Some parents think if their kid is depressed it is a reflection of themselves and they failed in some way.

But there’s so many heavy, depressing external factors that young people deal with that their parents generation never dealt with. I feel like to be 24 and not at least mildly depressed (or pessimistic) means someone is in denial of reality.

I get the impression from this very small amount of information that she may not be able to fully relate to what you’re feeling. But I like that she said she occasionally feels depressed too. I’ve met people that couldn’t comprehend feeling general sadness. “You don’t have any reason to be down” kind of mentality.